I've Been Awful!!

Okay, so I did okay leading up to NJ, but yeah, I have been terrible here. I HAVE to cut out soda. There's no way around it. I cannot drink it. It's my gateway drug. I drink it, and its permission to pig out. I am going to get it back together today! Back to using MFP and working out. The food will always be there, and it will always be there in portion control. If I cannot control myself then I cannot have it. Plain and simple. I am over feeling like CRUD!

Reality check

Okay, so it's been a rough week. A rough week I created though. It's not like anything bad happened or that...it's been busy, but not bad. I have been struggling big time with the eating, but I have been logging 98% of what I have been eating. However, I haven't gained weight this week...I haven't lost either. SO I am still sitting at a 3 pound loss. I haven't worked out and that was getting to me. I just didn't care. I feel frustrated with myself over not doing much this week. I mean, essentially that is 4 missed work outs :( That's muscle that could have been building and fat that could have been lost. Today I turned it around...I woke up and I ate a cookie. I thought to myself, is this the way to start out the day? HECK NO! So...I counted that for my breakfast and got started on purging the house for a yard sale tomorrow. I was all cranky over Adam's work schedule and my friend Jessica said "Work out, it will make you feel better". So...I thought why not? It can't hurt right? Today I decided to wear my HRM to just see how many calories I was burning. I haven't been wearing it lately because it's sometimes super annoying. Well...Today I did and man I felt like a bad ass after my workout. I did a hour long strength and cardio DVD and then did 2 miles on a Leslie Sansone DVD. Drum roll please...642 calories smashed! WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!

So, now feeling refreshed and motivated (and I won't be annoyed that if I stuck with the eating this week, I could be 2 lbs lighter) I have decided to set mini goals for myself for the summer. I feel like not seeing some people for awhile gives me a chance to work hard and look better the next time I see them. So for example, my friend Kelly left today. I won't see her until early July when I come back from NJ. I plan to be comfortably in my size 12's when I see her.
Here are my mini goals...
I have 13 days until NJ. Last time I saw everyone I was not working out and at my absolute heaviest because of taking the Paxil. I gained 18 lbs on it and went off it while I was in NJ. So, my goal is to work out hard and keep logging calories so I can maybe have 5 lbs off and just look a little healthier by the time I get there. We are driving, so I am also going to buy tons of pre packaged fruit, granola bars, string cheese and the like for the car. Normally, I buy tons of junk. So this will hopefully work out well!
Once I get to NJ, it will be about 20 days until Adam comes up for our vacation. I can make a lot happen in 20 days :) So my goal is to go to Cooper River 5 days a week up there, my sister will be at my moms and hopefully she can watch the kids for me to go up there for an hour or so. It's a 4 mile walk around the river, so I would love to just keep running it until I can run at least 2 miles around without stopping. I am bringing a few weight DVDs so on the days I am bored with nothing to do, I can work out. I am also hoping to calorie count while I am there, so when I see Adam, he is shocked with the changes in me. I would LOVE if I could pick him up from the airport in a cute outfit that is currently a little snug. I have about 4 pairs of cute shorts that are all a little bit too tight. If I could wear one of those to the air port, I will be happy!
Once Adam gets there, we have our family vacation. I plan on bringing a lot of fruit and easy but healthy things along. We are going to the shore with his mom and will be at the camp ground. If we can, I plan on trying to run a few days the week we are down there.
Then we come home and hopefully, I have lost weight at the end of all of this and not gained anything. I always gain 5 lbs when I am home. I am hoping to come home 5 lbs lighter all together.
I then look to later in the summer when we hopefully see our friends in NC. Hopefully I can lose a little weight by then as well. My biggest goal is to have lost 13 lbs total by my 31st birthday. I have a thing with numbers lol. So essentially, I have 10 lbs to go at this point by August 13th. I can totally do this!

I didn't completely blow it

This weekend was Emily's birthday party. I did not completely blow it...but I did have soda, which led to junk food. I did not accurately track, but I did track some. Saturday evening we had Chinese food and I literally measured out everything and went for a run after I ate it. So, instead of deciding I was going to just completely fall off the wagon, its back at it! I am dying to get my work out in tonight!

Getting there

Something is clicking, something is making sense for me. Last night I threw out the peanut butter frosting so I couldn't eat it all. Today, I went out and ran errands and I did not get a soda...even though my friend did. Normally when I go to Dollar Tree, I grab a soda and a small thing of candy. Not today! I drank my water. Then Emily wanted mac and cheese for lunch. I am a 5 year old and I love mac and cheese. I let myself had one small taste (less than a tablespoon) and then I fed the dog all of the extras. I am getting there slowly but surely! YEAH! Now to get thru all the baking I have to do, Emily's birthday celebrations and get work outs in. I can do it. Even if I just do my 20 minute work outs, I am going to get them in!

I got this

Yes, I know, two posts a day for the past two days....BUT....I added my fitness pal to my phone again and started tracking calories. I actually feel better knowing the number that I am eating. I didn't have guilt tonight when I had a slice of pizza at Sam's with the kids or shared a diet coke with Adam. This is normal life, and I need to handle these challenges! I am sitting here looking at cheez its, doritos and cheetos. Some of my favorite JUNK. However, there isn't the urge to eat it all. I know I can put it aside and wait for Emily's party, then I can have SOME of it. I know this is only day two, but I feel so empowered and feel like I have a hold on things. Tomorrow, I have to bake...that makes me nervous. And Thursday is Emily's birthday and then Friday is a baking day. Saturday is party prep and Sunday is her party. So...I need to make it thru these next few days with a few work outs and just tracking calories. Even if that means I go over my calories a little bit. I can do this!

Clarity

Today I woke up and realized I just want to be in control. I am going to do this! I am just going to keep doing it. Regardless of me eating when I am stressed, bored, sad, whatever...I have the control to stop myself. I just never chose to do so. I am semi counting calories, semi portion control and mostly just trying to tell myself to only eat when I am really hungry and eat every few hours to avoid being over hungry and over eating.
This is my favorite quote of the day...

A good day

Today was a good day. I stuck to my eating plan and managed a work out. I felt good about that. I did have a stressful day with the kiddos, which led to a migraine. So I took a muscle relaxer and then ended up falling asleep early. So now I am going to bed early and on time!

It has been awhile...and yeah, see how well I stick with things

So, one of the difficult things of being a mama is the whole pregnant thing comes weight gain. On top of that, the anxiety that comes along with being a mama. I had never lost my baby weight from AJ and went on anxiety medicine to help me with some issues I was having. In turn, I gained a whopping 20 pounds. So I went off the medicine. I think I am FINALLY to good place mentally and I am ready to lose this weight. I have set the goal at 40 pounds but I am going to work on small goals first. So 5 pounds by the end of May.

So today is day one of getting my life back! I have been doing okay with working out. I have been working out about 4 days a week minus the week I was sick, so I going to get it back together. I am committing to this and there is no turning back. A few weeks ago, I thought I was ready, but now I am realizing just how sad I am. I am always sad over my weight, and eating crappy isn't going to fix it. Every day I think about it, every day I battle the negative thoughts. I went to a birthday party yesterday with Emmy and all I could do was compare myself to the other moms. And listening to them talk "Oh pop is my weakness, chips are mine...oh man I could eat sweets all day". Yet, all of these women are in shape...obviously the difference between them and myself...They have self control and I have zero! So, it kind of comes to a point where I need to be an adult about these things. I cannot eat like this forever. So I am going to fix this. I have done it before.

I am going to do better things for myself, drinking more water, eating less, working out more. I am going to keep better control of my life. I am going to keep the house in check so I don't get behind and get frustrated with the mess. I am going to keep better track of the business side of things with the baking, I am going to just do awesome and today it starts!

Getting Rid of the Negativity

I have some pretty great friends. Then I also thought I had some pretty great friends. What I mean by that is, I had some people in my life that I thought were really awesome. Turns out, that was not the case. I started to see true colors; I started to see their actions truly spoke louder than their words. I also started to judge these actions. I then came to the realization that judging people’s actions and even talking about them (ahem gossiping) is just absolutely exhausting. I said to a good friend of mine recently that I was tired of trying to read people, tired of trying to see the good in people. I am always trying to see the good in people.

I am not a one strike and you are out type of gal. However, if I always trying to find the good in a situation or a person; chances are there is not much good and maybe that person or situation is not meant to be in my life anymore. Maybe I shouldn't have to work so hard to see the good in people. It should come naturally. Honestly, if it doesn't come naturally, then I am judging you. If I am judging your actions, then I am probably talking about them to someone when I shouldn't be. And with that, I am done. I do not need any more of that in my life. What I need is just the positive. What can I do that is good? And hey, if I notice something truly good about someone, well that is amazing. I don’t have time for the negative actions or guessing or judging.

 I guess most of this comes from this lifestyle, the whole Army friendship thing. Friendships come and they go so quickly. We form a bond and trust so quickly. Some  form because there are those need to be surrounded by people and situations, others just enjoy getting caught up in other people’s business, then some are just lonely. I try to take my time, but moving around a lot gets lonely fast. I have been blessed to make two amazing friends here after a year of living here. You don’t realize what a rock these people become in your life. The friends who I have lost or thought I had though, well that number is higher. You cannot convince me that some of them are good people, no matter how much they smile at you and play the game.

The friends I have, they are my family. They are the ones I call when I have to rush to the ER and need somewhere for children to go. They are the ones I call crying because I miss home. They are the ones I call because I am not quite sure what to do with a sick child’s symptoms. They are the ones I spend my special moments and holidays with. This is my positive. All of that other junk, it is just that, junk. I am officially washing my hands of it. As much as I have stayed away, I am just officially and decidedly done. 

FYI I heart Pinterest

I love, love, love Pinterest so follow me! I will create a board for you to pin things you think I would like.
http://www.pinterest.com/sammymiller/

Christmas to Valentines

My house is so bare. Today I totally kicked butt and got a ton of things done. There were so many things I was behind on, so I decided to ramp it up and do them. One of the many things I accomplished was taking down the Christmas decorations and also the tree. I was then the crazy lady dragging the tree down the street to my neighbor’s house so she could have it for fire wood. There’s never a dull moment with us. Well now that I took all the decorations down, my house is boring! So onto Valentine’s Day it is. I own a wreath. That’s it. One. Single. Wreath.

So I am hitting up Pinterest for some fabulous ideas and crafts. Tomorrow I am going to Hobby Lobby with my husband in hopes of finding some things I can use to make some adorable things. I need some crafting in my life. I plan on making some type of garland, maybe a wreath and something to hang on the wall.

I always want to do these sweet fun things, and then I get overwhelmed. I am tired of being that overwhelmed lady. I am going to do those sweet fun things. Tomorrow afternoon I am going to do some decorations with my kids for Valentine’s Day and this weekend we will bake something. (It’s the weekend so I can cheat on my Weight Watchers haha).

Give me your ideas! Kid friendly ones or nap time crafts, send them my way! 

That thing called happiness

What is your happiness? I guess with the New Year it makes me think. I am not doing the whole “New year, new me” thing because well, I am just fine. I could be better though. I could do things that make me happier more often. Happiness tends to be a snowball effect. For example, when I work out I feel happier and less stressed. I also tend to not get as many headaches when I exercise as well. I feel better and have more energy when I eat healthier. Then I want to do fun things like play games with my kids, do puzzles and heck even color. Yes, color. I intentionally got my daughter 100 set of nice markers and a more advanced coloring book so we could color together. The other night, I colored until 11 by myself while my husband played a new video game. It’s SO relaxing to me. I also started a 1,000 piece puzzle. I need to work on that today now that I am thinking about it. My husband makes me happy and spending time with him makes me happy. And not just being in the same room and both on electronic devices…but actually watching a show and talking about it or even playing Disney Infinity or Plants Vs Zombies (a new obsession of ours haha). I just feel like sometimes we get so run over by other things, that happiness goes away.

I am a generally happy person, but I am also a generally stressed out person. I always feel like I am playing catch up with someone or even myself. So maybe, with the topic of happiness, I can just try to do things a little different. Maybe not even better, but different might work. Maybe different will eventually be better. It’s all full circle for me; my anxiety, which can lead to slight depression which then leads to more anxiety. So maybe if I stick to my happiness, all of the bad things can start to go away! I love crafting, I want to learn to sew, I adore cooking yummy meals and don’t even get me started on baking. I really need to change things up. I really need to try new recipes, try to sew something, make a wreath, and organize my kids’ rooms. It begins tomorrow! And a work out too ;)

What are some ways you focus and center on your happiness? 

So those darn resolutions...

Okay, so yesterday I stuck to drinking way more water. This morning I got up and got my kitchen all cleaned up and then started a work out. I walked 3 miles with Walk Away The Pounds. I haven't been great with the water today, so I am chugging now. Tonight I meal planned and made a grocery list. Another thing I wanted to get back to was meal planning, more cooking and being prepared when I food shop. I had us on such a good budget plan before and it really worked. I shopped with cash and set it at $200 a pay period. Tomorrow my goal is only $100. I also plan on Weight Watchers food shopping. I am starting to journal on Sunday. One of my biggest downfalls is drinking soda AND eating after the kids go to bed. I feel stressed, so I justify that the eating is deserved. So I am going back to when I only ate fruit and a fiber one bar after dinner. I was dropping weight much easier then. However, Adam was deployed and losing weight is always easier when he is gone. I suppose I should fold laundry and stick to my load a day. I did fold some this morning and get the towels in. This way I can start tomorrow off with laundry too. I should also go get my kitchen cleaned up. One day at a time, so sad to say but true. I need to break these awful habits of mine!

A Different Kind of 30 Day Challenge for the New Year

The 30 Day Challenge

I am always reading about the 30 days to a better you or the 30 day squat challenge, ab challenge, push up challenge. You name is, they are out there. So I decided to try to maybe make one of my own. Make changes for 30 days that I need (and yes, a better butt is one of them). However, things like less caffeine (that one begins today, so this momma is sleepy!), going back to drinking a gallon of water a day, cutting out the soda, journaling my food intake, going to bed with a clean kitchen, sticking to 2 loads of laundry a day (so I don’t end up with 8 loads in one day…oops), and maybe developing and sticking to a better daily routine. I saw this great picture today, I will repost it. One of the things was to have time for something fun everyday. I think that would be a great one too. Watching TV just makes me lazy, but doing a puzzle, coloring a picture with my daughter, playing a game with them or my husband…that can totally take over my TV time. Previously, I thought I wouldn’t have had the time for that, but when I look at it, I can skip my DVR for awhile. So let’s add a little less TV to the list.

January is always such a blah month after the holidays but I am determined to turn it into a fun one. We need to get our decorations down this weekend, so I can rearrange the front room (which is a combo dining room and play area for my little guy). I also want to make a desk for my daughter, get a new rug for the family room and reorganize my little guy’s room.

Yesterday I printed out a workout calendar for me so I can keep track where I can SEE it. Last month, I was putting purple Xs on the days I worked out, and somehow that kept me motivated.

So it begins today, small but subtle changes. I will keep checking back in with which ones I have started and which ones are sticking etc. I hope many of them stick because so many are good for my physical health and many are good for my mental health.